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Not, rather

I am what is when you don’t notice.

You notice when it’s not me – when my absence is too much your eyes squint; you reach for a hat, or sunglasses, or use your own hand if I leave quickly.  You notice when my absence is so complete; well, you would, if you even knew what that was like – so complete that your ancestors reached, groped even, for a lantern.  Not that they had one.  Or knew what a lantern is.  But you?  You don’t know the complete absence of me

 – you have filled the void entirely.  

and

The Void holds what you need.

Not, rather

I am what is when you don’t notice.

You notice when it’s not me – when my absence is too much your eyes squint; you reach for a hat, or sunglasses, or use your own hand if I leave quickly.  You notice when my absence is so complete; well, you would, if you even knew what that was like – so complete that your ancestors reached, groped even, for a lantern.  Not that they had one.  Or knew what a lantern is.  But you?  You don’t know the complete absence of me

 – you have filled the void entirely.  

and

The Void holds what you need.

To explain a bit more for you – 

You notice if I look nicer than yesterday; but, you don’t notice if I don’t give you either a repeat of a spectacular performance, or a significant improvement on what I gave you yesterday.  

Some people say they like me – they like what I bring; what I conceal; what I reveal.  But really, I know they don’t pay much attention and the little they generally pay is infrequent.  But I am always on time and I always arrive.  And leave.  On time.  I can never, and am never, early or late.  You don’t even notice when I slip out – maybe, on an astute day, you notice I’m gone – but, long after.  Long after I have left. 

I’m like letters.  Unless they do something exceptional, y o u d o n ‘ t r e a l l y n o t i c e e a c h oooonnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeee.  Also, you’ll notice if they do something rong.

2023.11.08 Words with Rupi – 

Now, write down what this drawing brings up for you. What was the first thing that you thought of when you observed it? Does the drawing have a story? What is it trying to communicate?

Church.  Advent.  When they turn out the lights and everybody holds the Light of Christ and sings Silent Night. 

Also, how my mom and my partner’s lit the unity candle at our wedding and my mother-in-laws candle dripped burning wax on me – she was, is and will be The Best.  We love her. 

2023.10.30 Words with Rupi  – Letter Starts:  Letter To A Ben Who Didn’t Do That in 2019

What are you like?  What does she think of you?  Your kids?  Your family, hers?  Where do you work?  With all the time you didn’t have to spend breaking yourself, then lying/evading/sneaking/hedging/protecting-the-whatever-the-hell, and all the time you didn’t have to spend unbreaking – what did you do in that time -what did you do for others in that time that I spent on myself?

What would you say to me now?

Stephen Crane and metaphorical prose in realism Stephenan mampil prose

“Cranes fiction is radically different from that of the realists… To Crane, reality was complex, ambivalent, ambiguous, and elusive, as much a matter of the play of a peculiarity of mind as a quality or character in the object itself. “

“This is a way of saying that Crane’s prose is metaphorical rather than literal and discursive – a way of pointing out the poetic quality of a style. But it also reminder that style is a reflection of his special way of singing, and that these elements in his fiction-his style and vision – are finally one and the same thing,”

“ the hero of the novel, re-creates, through cranes imagination, of course, the external world in whatever image, best expresses or serves his egotistical yearning, hopes, and fierce. In his sentimental self portrait, Henry Fleming sees himself as a hero of nervous courage and reckless, daring – due, winner of the hearts of maidens in the admiration of his comrades in arms. But he also suspects, fearfully, that he is really a coward, and his problem is to refashion the world, as it were, into a new reality “reality, “by which he can justify rationalize his failures as a man or soldier. “. …” his anxiety is really over the uncertain question of his relation to the whole universe, as if he somehow expects nature to be the final arbiter of his success, or failure as a hero.… he never for a moment considers, as does the narrator, the nature is after all simply in different to him.”

For example, in the short story “the open boat, “the correspondent, the main character, reflects upon nature, as seen as a tower, that, “the tower was a giant, standing with its back to the plate of the ants.”

However, “illusion and crane is more permanent than reality, even granting that they can be distinguished.”

James B. Culvert, University of Virginia, Afterword, in Great Short Works of Stephen Crane, 1965, Harper and Roe publishers. New York, New York.

Not, rather

I am what is when you don’t notice.

You notice when it’s not me – when my absence is too much your eyes squint; you reach for a hat, or sunglasses, or use your own hand if I leave quickly.  You notice when my absence is so complete; well, you would, if you even knew what that was like – so complete that your ancestors reached, groped even, for a lantern.  But you?  You don’t know the complete absence of me – the void that is filled entirely.  

You notice if I look nicer than yesterday; but, you don’t notice if I don’t give you either a repeat of a spectacular performance, or a significant improvement on what I gave you yesterday.  

Some people say they like me – they like what I bring; what I conceal; what I reveal.  But really, I know they don’t pay much attention and the little they generally pay is infrequent.  But I am always on time and I always arrive.  And leave.  On time.  I can never, and am never, early or late.  You don’t even notice when I slip out – maybe, on an astute day, you notice I’m gone – but, long after.  Long after I have left. 

I’m like letters.  Unless they do something exceptional, y o u d o n ‘ t r e a l l y n o t i c e e a c h oooonnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeee.  Also, you’ll notice if they do something rong.

2023.10.26 Words with Rupi – Letter Writing

“An exercise I do often, especially when I feel writer’s bloc,kk is letter writing.  By learning into something as personal and familiar as writing a letter, this exercise takes the pressure off of having to figure out what I’m going to write about on a day I feel stuck.  Instead, my creative attention ids directed toward what I already know, which is comforting.

I also write to specific emotions I’ve been experiencing.  For example, I’ve written many letters to “fear.”  Doing so has helped me have a conversation and confront fear, rather than try to bury it….I also love to repeat prompts I’ve used in the past.  It helps to look about and compare results to see what’s changed or stayed the same,” (Kaur, 2022, p. 11).

Prompts:

  1. Write a letter to the person whose touch hurt you
  2. Write a letter to your father, from the perspective of your 7-year-old self
  3. Write a letter to your 9-year-old self, from the perspective of your 80-year old self
  4. Write a letter to a traumatic memory or moment
  5. Write a letter to “self-doubt”
  6. Write a letter to the parts of you that are still hurting
  7. WRite a letter to your mom when she was pregnant with you, from the perspective of your unborn self
2023.10.24 Words with Rupi – What I Keep Hidden

The thing I am most scared of people finding out about me is I have so much “fake.”  I fake smartness.  I fake strength.  I fake health.  I fake agency and choice.  I fake I don’t care.  I fake I know what I am doing.  I fake so much.  

I fake with my appearance, demeanor, looks.

I fake how much I’d rather be home – yet, I do love traveling!

I fake on money.  

I fake on sincerity and altruism.