Last night I had a dream about a talking duck. Actually, not just talking, singing. It was my Aunt D’s duck. She knew it talked and sang, but she didn’t feel the need to tell anyone.
I decided this year to finally pursue a dream of mine. It struck me oddly that even some of my closest friends and family didn’t know this was my dream. I hadn’t spoken of it since I decided to take a different path 25 years ago. So easily had I let it slip past, not spoken of again. Yet deep inside it remained, longing for another chance.
A lesson in A Course in Miracles entitled, My Self is Ruler of the Universe. I chuckle compassionately as I read it, my ego wanting to assign different meaning than I know is intended. “It is impossible that anything should come to be unbidden by myself. Even in this world it is I who rule my destiny. What happens is what I desire. What does not occur is what I do not want to happen. This I must accept” (Lesson 253).
Marianne Williamson would say that this expands to the big picture: our current president, politics of fear, lost rights. She’d say by not getting involved, we let that happen. If I say I didn’t desire that my parents or Laurie die, I’d have to catch myself in the ego-driven interpretation of this lesson. I’ll go smaller. When I think back across all the choices that I have made in my life, all the millions of tiny and giant crossroads, my body vibrates with the notion what happens is what I desire.
I remember Antonio Abbagnano saying in a breathwork workshop, our hobbies are what we do, not what we want to do. If I say I love to spend my free time taking long walks and curling up with a great book, but I don’t get moving outside or read, I create dissonance within myself. If I watch 4 hours of television a day instead, that’s my hobby. If it is what I do, it is what I desire. Not good or bad, just fact.
For now I’m enjoying aligning my desires and my actions, creating my life, and noticing how good it feels. I admire the silence of a talking duck that chooses not to speak, or sing.