What Happens Is What I Desire

Last night I had a dream about a talking duck. Actually, not just talking, singing. It was my Aunt D’s duck. She knew it talked and sang, but she didn’t feel the need to tell anyone.

I decided this year to finally pursue a dream of mine. It struck me oddly that even some of my closest friends and family didn’t know this was my dream. I hadn’t spoken of it since I decided to take a different path 25 years ago. So easily had I let it slip past, not spoken of again. Yet deep inside it remained, longing for another chance.

A lesson in A Course in Miracles entitled, My Self is Ruler of the Universe. I chuckle compassionately as I read it, my ego wanting to assign different meaning than I know is intended. “It is impossible that anything should come to be unbidden by myself. Even in this world it is I who rule my destiny. What happens is what I desire. What does not occur is what I do not want to happen. This I must accept” (Lesson 253).

Marianne Williamson would say that this expands to the big picture: our current president, politics of fear, lost rights. She’d say by not getting involved, we let that happen. If I say I didn’t desire that my parents or Laurie die, I’d have to catch myself in the ego-driven interpretation of this lesson. I’ll go smaller. When I think back across all the choices that I have made in my life, all the millions of tiny and giant crossroads, my body vibrates with the notion what happens is what I desire.

I remember Antonio Abbagnano saying in a breathwork workshop, our hobbies are what we do, not what we want to do. If I say I love to spend my free time taking long walks and curling up with a great book, but I don’t get moving outside or read, I create dissonance within myself. If I watch 4 hours of television a day instead, that’s my hobby. If it is what I do, it is what I desire. Not good or bad, just fact.

For now I’m enjoying aligning my desires and my actions, creating my life, and noticing how good it feels. I admire the silence of a talking duck that chooses not to speak, or sing.

4 Comments

  1. So true and such beauty to your words. I heard a question this morning that a lovely key note speaker delivered to a graduating class. His simple words resonated with me as he shared what his father with a third grade education instilled in him, simply said, but oh so powerful, “How are you living?” Not how are you doing, but “How are you living?”

    Like

  2. You have such a gift, Sarah! Life is about choices, what you do with them and how you use them. Love and hugs to you!

    Like

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