In reading through my journal with entries beginning just a few months ago, I came across a beautiful experience that I meant to blog about at the time, but never did. But first, a side note. I was reading these morning pages to help me grieve a loss. My intention was to let go of anger, hurt, and fear and instead settle into sadness. I have lived a life afraid of sadness, feeling victim to depression, helplessness, and hopelessness. I can see the impact this has had on my life and those with whom I share it. I won’t be afraid of sadness today. I won’t power through it with strength, resilience, and domination. Today I will let it flow and I will keep breathing. I have so much I need to grieve.
I’m watching two birds outside my kitchen window while I eat breakfast. I am voyeur to their quick flight from ground to dry fountain in my untended front landing. I admire their grace as they carefully place each tendril of Spanish moss in what will soon be a resting place for starting a family. In silence, I follow their path to and fro, while my mind creates a symphony to match their determination. I observe the teamwork, the commitment to the project at hand, the creation of something from nothing. I witness the possibility and opportunity ahead. I am awestruck and inspired by their freedom.
Gratefully, my tears are flowing. I forgive myself for hiding from these emotions. I forgive. God, please let me see this differently.