Exploration of Hidden Commitments

I’m currently taking a seminar that has me examining commitments in my life. I’m finding an interesting phenomenon. There is what I say I am committed to — giving and receiving love everywhere I go, developing a closer connection to my brother and his family, a life partnership with my Beloved based on authenticity. Then there are my hidden commitments that I begin to see as I look at how I behave in my life — I have all the answers, I know more than you do, and I must always look good.

As I read Lesson 152 in A Course in Miracles this morning, I’m struck by the continuation of this seminar’s work. “No one can suffer loss unless it be his own decision.” I can no longer suffer from not receiving love, not having close family ties, and not having a healthy life partnership. Why? Because the jig is up. My hidden commitments, which I did not choose, but rather adopted over time in response to events in my past, are not true. What would or could my life be like if I didn’t need to have all the answers, if I didn’t have to be right, if I wasn’t required to keep it all together?

My lesson today further guides me, “Let us today be truly humble, and accept what we have made as what it is.” I am instructed to accept that I have created these unconscious truths for myself, they are not as God created me. The power of choice is my own. I can choose to lay them aside as false and accept myself as I was meant to be. In the language of my seminar, I can choose a new possibility that allows me freedom from these lies about myself.

If I had a dime for all the times those who know me best have said to me, “Sarah, you don’t have to keep it all together,” I might be a wealthy woman. If I only collected payment when I really listened, not so much. I wish it were as easy as seeing it, deciding to change, and going on with life. At least for now, I can create the possibility for my life that I be powerfully authentic. In practice that looks like accepting and admitting when I am afraid, unsure, lacking confidence, and overwhelmed. It looks like accepting that another person might have a suggestion that might be better than my own best thinking. It is a possibility that might actually give me the things to which I say I am committed. Wouldn’t that be something?

 

4 Comments

    1. Thanks Raghida! One of these days you and I will cross paths and I have no doubt it will be a powerful connection. I am honored that you are following along and feel it would please my parents very much. 🙂

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  1. Dear Sarah, I’m learning so much from the courses and seminars you are taking, and your writings. Thank you so much. My words for this year have been ‘building’ and ‘listening.’ I do need to listen more. Be well and I hope you return to Bali soon.

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